traitor

i'm lame, but i like
nickelback's new video
that shit is creepy

hummus

what would it be like
if there were no more hippies?
answer: no hummus

the trifecta

finally, summer
finally, sun and t-shirts
finally, pit stains

so true

if i had boobies
i would have to shave my chest
or else i'd look gross

spring fashion

i'm wearing headphones
but no music is playing
bit odd, don't you think?

you should see her dance

so, the gray-haired dude
won american idol
next up: bea arthur

lord of the cubes

why's it so quiet?
oh that's right, in this office
work is optional

to be honest, yes.

striped, shiny, and blue
is it so wrong that i want
to wear a tracksuit?

hell yes

invisible joy
weaves itself into my soul
i love you caffeine

maybe it's a euphemism

how much applesauce
would it take to fill my tub?
a lot, that's how much

i don't know, i guess i'm implying ill health?

for some reason i
want to sing today's haiku
la la cough hack spew

i can't believe i don't shut up

party's not over
till i say something highly
inappropriate

i'm calling to inform you i now work part-time

the alarm clock rings
well, at least it's supposed to
it didn't today

35mm digital camera

it's self-evident
but people can be stupid
so goddamn stupid

you know exactly what i'm talking about

i want to just sleep
and sleep and sleep and sleep and
sleep and sleep some more

this is why the word "deluge" exists

oh, is it raining?
i was too busy drowning
to notice the floods

4:59 a.m.

thanks, cat, for yelling!
so this is what dawn looks like?
i had no idea!

testicle is only 3 syllables

pop quiz: guess which word
can fill a whole haiku line:
ejaculation!

it's because a lot of them are crap

there's a reason why
magazines make for perfect
#2 reading

logorrhea

say hi to strangers
if you're lucky, one won't care
that you don't shut up

budget living

money-saving tip:
always let other people
pay for your dinner

no, i'm not just happy to see you

in fact that is a
banana in my pocket
don't be so vulgar

seriously, dress faster

please, enough with the
naked old men hanging out
in the locker room

can i get a witness!

frosted mini-wheats:
god's divine gift to mankind?
the answer: hell yes!

park this

thanks for the ticket
street sweeping is important
oh, and please SUCK IT

makes me want an SUV

hippies cheese me off
with the patchouli and dreads
take a shower, punks

loudmouth

if i was a cat
i would say meow a lot
see: meow meow!

apartment hunting

i want a nice place
so bad i'm considering
taking up hooking

even the ones with the dotted lines

family circus
comics are as funny as
this stupid haiku

true style mavericks

hello boston clone
button-down shirt and short hair?
how original!

this means you, colombo

dear yogurt makers:
stop making yogurt so sweet
my teeth are rotting

no holy water jokes

i work for a church
but i am an atheist
oh, hilarity!

not that i'm bitter or anything

why don't people write
testimonials for me?
i wrote you one, bitch.

i do want you, baby

i spent two hours
on iTunes - can't believe i
forgot human league

i wanna be the papa, you can be the mom (oh oh!)

what the hell happened?
i'm rocking out to sean paul?
am i going deaf?

no bon jovi please

i give in you guys
80s music is awesome
(except hair metal)

get out of my cube

honestly i just
don't care about your weekend
fellow employee

chocolate silk

oh chocolate silk
you are delicious, although
you make me gassy

hard

sometimes haikus are
hard to write and you get all
of the line breaks wrong

sloth in a box!

new: sloth in a box!
fifty bucks or best offer
this deal won't last long!

introduction

this here blog contains
a bunch of stupid haikus
i hope you enjoy